It was always a taboo to talk about the passing of my parents first born, my big brother, so I know very little about his passing...
Haiphong, North Vietnam
In early 1978, tension between newly reunified Vietnam and China led to a mass exodus, where 150,000 ethnic Chinese fled Northern Vietnam for China due to fears of war. So in April, May 1978 my family fled to Guangxi, China to a county called Ningming. My mother was already 5 months pregnant with my brother Chin at this time.
Ningming, Guangxi, China
It was sometime in September 1978 when my brother was born, 6 months later March 1979 my uncle sent a letter to my parents to let them know he had arrived in Hong Kong safely and seeked refuge so by June 1978 when my brother was just 9 months old it was decided that he would become one of the "Boat People" with my parents to also find refuge in Hong Kong.
Hong Kong
It took about 2 weeks by boat to ride the rough seas where a lot of passengers became severely sick. By the time my parents arrived in Hong Kong, my brother Chin was so sick he passed away in Hospital in June 1979 at the age of 9 months. My parents stayed at the Sham Shui Po refugee camp.
A woman who lost her husband is called a widow. A man who lost his wife is called a widower. A child who lost his parents is called an orphan. But there is no word for a parent who lost their child because there is no word to describe the pain
My parents were devastated and the handling of all refugee deaths were dealt with by the Hong Kong government at this time. So until this day I do not know if he was cremated, or buried.
London, United Kingdom
I was about 7 or 8 when I first learnt about my brother Chin. I remember sitting on my mums bed when my mum told us we all had an older brother called Chin and that he got sick on the boat and passed away in Hong Kong. My mum told us that she had a photo of him but she refused to show us and told us shes kept it away safely.
Ever since then, whenever I tried to bring it up she would shake the question off. I remember when we'd visit my parents friends/relatives houses and they would ask how Chin was not knowing what happened. This was due to everyone arriving in Hong Kong and London at different times.
We never spoke about brother Chin until December 2020 when we were arranging my fathers funeral, the Taoist priest needed all of our names to be written down for the ceremony. My mum sounded like she was still pained by talking about it, when she said to them that she had another son but due to an illness didn't make it to 1 years old. The priest replied that he only needed the names of living children and grandchildren.
The first time seeing my brother Chin
I became an orphan on 1st November 2021. The pain I went through and still going through 4 months later doesn't get any better. I cannot imagine the pain my parents went through after losing my brother as I can barely endure the pain of losing my parents.
It was 31st December 2021 20:00pm, I was sorting through my late mothers belongings when I came across a photo of my dad carrying a young boy. Who was this boy? was it my cousin? I tried to do some investigation work. From the photo, it appeared that it was taken in the same studio as my grandparents photos which was already dated July 1980 behind it and my grandparents (dads side) never went to Hong Kong, so this photo must have been taken in China. My dad must have taken this photo before he left for Hong Kong.
I asked my older sister what age she thought the baby looked and she said about 6 months. So maybe this was the photo of our brother?
I sent the photo to my cousins and asked them to ask my uncle and aunt. My aunt said she is 99% sure its my brother Chin and dad. She said she heard my uncle tell her that when he came to the UK, he brought with him this photo for my parents as a keepsake. But my aunt never saw the photo herself as she married my uncle years later in the UK.
Eagerly waiting for my uncle to finish work I was pretty sure this was my brother in the photo. Then by midnight it was confirmed that this was the photo my uncle (dads younger brother) brought from China to give to my parents.
My brother Chin Do. 杜益錢
I tried to find out as much as possible through my aunts and uncles about my brother Chin whilst everyones' memory was a little foggy and the topic being a taboo, very little was even asked and said back then between my parents/aunts/uncles. But with their help I was able to put together this post.
Death was always a taboo topic, especially if you lost a child; it is believed that parents should not hold a ceremony or mourn for their children which I find really sad.
Since losing both my parents I have thought about afterlife so much more and about my brother Chin.
What happened in Hong Kong? What did the Hong Kong government do with the bodies of the refugees? I am assuming a cremation would have been done, but what would have done with the ashes? would have they been scattered somewhere? I have been trying to investigate with very little luck and lack of information on the internet.
I have set up a little memorial for my parents, both sets of grandparents and my brother Chin at home but I wish I had somewhere to visit when I go to Hong Kong to remember my brother.
~Dedicated to my brother Chin
Chin Do 杜益錢
September 1978 - June 1979
😥