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Writer's pictureKhenh Ichikawa Do

The day I lost my Mum

Updated: Dec 12, 2021

Mum tested positive for covid-19 on October 25th 2021, she was double vaccinated, reasonably healthy (daily walks in the park) and ate a lot of fruit and veg. Day 1-7 her symptoms were not life threatening or worrying, but on day 8 things took a turn for the worse.



Saturday 23rd October 2021

Since my fathers passing last year, I spent almost every weekend at my mums healing together. On Saturday 23rd November 2021 I briefly saw my mum as I dropped off some supplies at her front door as my brother and nephew had tested positive for covid-19 and were self isolating. Never did I know that this would be the last day I see my mum...

My brother, niece and nephew live together with my mum at our childhood home. On October 20th my brother was feeling unwell and tested positive for Covid-19 on a lateral flow test. They all took a PCR two days later and my nephew had also tested positive. By Monday 25th my mum also tested positive leaving only my 15 year old niece to care for them all. My brothers symptoms took a turn for the worse and ended up getting admitted to hospital on the 26th October but thankfully made a recovery and was discharged by the 30th October. Mums symptoms were not that bad and we spoke daily and she was still fit enough to walk around the house making her own food. My mum was the type of person that would go to the GP for every little ache/pain so we believe that she was feeling okay like she said, she even had enough energy to sing karaoke when she was isolating in her bedroom. My mum explained that she didn't feel that bad, that she only had a slight cough that would give her a headache every time she coughed.


Monday 1st November 2021

The day I bargained with the universe to give me back my mum

I usually speak to my mum every day but I don't know why on Sunday 31st October 2021 we had no contact. By the morning I checked my phone and thought it was strange my mum hadn't left me a message so I sent her a message at 09:42 "How are you today mum?" but no reply so I send another message at 11:39 "What have you been eating? did you sleep okay?" but still no reply. I thought maybe she was still sleeping so I messaged my niece to check how she was and to ask how everyone at the house was coping as by this time she had also contracted covid-19.


13:21

My niece sends me a message

"Aunty Khenh, mama seriously doesn't look like she's feeling well, she looks really pale"


I call my brother straight away and in a panic he tells me "Mum looks pale, shes not breathing" I tell him to call 999.

In a panic my niece calls 999 and I speak to my brother on the other line, at this moment I couldn't tell if my mum was even conscious as everything I was saying and asking my brother he was not registering. I ask my brother is mum responsive, and to give her a tap or a shake to wake her up. When my dad passed away last year in our arms, we were all around him so I understand the fear and panic my brother was feeling at this moment. The paramedics arrived within 10 minutes and performed CPR.


15:00

I dial in the rest of my siblings and stayed on the call with my brother. Myself and my second youngest sister make our way over to mums house and we arrive around 3pm.

We speak with the head paramedic and they told us that mums heart had stopped but they have managed to get it beating again but she is so seriously ill her vitals keep dropping and her heart keeps stopping. Because mums heart had stopped for some time this means that the brain may have some damage meaning IF mum wakes up she might not be the mum we know. Their priority was to stabilize mums heart and to get her to the hospital. At this moment I can't explain what was going through my head. I was in disbelief "is this really happening?? surely the world can't be that cruel to take my father away and now my mother in such a short space of time?"

My brother and nephew had already completed their self isolation, but my mum was on day 8 and my niece on day 4. So we instructed my niece and nephew to sit in the kitchen, my brother in the living room and my sister and I were standing outside the front door.

There was a large team of paramedics coming in and out of the house.


15:57

My mums heart was now stabalised and they were now taking my mum to St Thomas Hospital. I told my brother to stay home to look after the kids whilst myself and my sister accompanied mum to the hospital.


16:33

My sister and I waited in a private room whilst the doctors were trying to save mum


17:00

The doctor told us that my mums heart had stopped again and said there is a high chance that mum wont make it and if we wanted to contact any other family members


19:07

My youngest sister arrived and we spoke to one of the paramedics that were treating mum at home. She told us that mum is a fighter, that her heart kept stopping but kept coming back.

She explained that mum was unconscious when they arrived due to her low oxygen and that she wouldn't have been aware what was happening. The doctors are still trying to stabilize mum so that they can take her up to ICU for CT scans on her lungs and brain.

I turn to my sisters and say "I'm not going to be greedy... I just pray that God gives my mum another chance" Even if mum wakes up paralyzed, or in a coma. I was ready to accept that and look after mum for the rest of my life. "Please don't take mum away, please give me a chance to care for her for many more years"


19:55

They stabilized mum and take her up to ICU, shes not awake.


20:35

We get called up to ICU, the room was icy cold and we couldn't turn the air con off. The doctor comes in and we are all seated and he says "I don't have any good news, in fact I have bad news" My heart sank.

The covid-19 had spread everywhere in her lungs and she was being kept alive by a machine. There was no way she could breath on her own. The CT scan also showed her brain had already started swelling and was damaged. She will not survive.

I asked the doctor "Did mum wake up at all?" in which he replied "....no"

He told us that mum only has minutes left and asked if we had any questions, i replied "No... i just want to go and see mum".

We put on protective gear and entered the ICU unit, seeing mum on the bed wired up with tubes broke my heart.

I called all the family I could think of to say their last goodbyes, as we spent our last moment with mum. Remembering that hearing is the last sense to go we spoke with mum telling her not to worry about us and to say Hi to dad for us... we held in our tears.




21:42

At 21:22 the doctor turned off the medicine and machine keeping mum alive and at 21:42

she left us. My heart broke; the pain is unbearable... what was mum feeling in her last moments before she fell unconscious? was she in pain? did she feel alone? did she try call for help? did she fall unconscious in her sleep? all of these questions we keep asking ourselves...


Sorry Mum. Sorry that I didn't call you earlier, sorry that I couldn't take you on that holiday we talked about, sorry that you had to leave so early.


I love you so much it hurts... I can't breathe... I feel so lost...


Rest in Peace mum xxx

24.12.1956 - 01.11.2021







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